“Dr. Zoose!” said the moose
“Won’t you come out and play?”
“Come out and play? I can’t today,”
said Zoose to the moose,
“for I’m writing a book
about a moose and a goose
who are lost in a park in the dark.”
“Why are a moose and a goose
on the loose in a park in the dark?
That seems improbable
because mooses and gooses
seldom hob nobble,
or what I mean to say
is they have nothing in common.”
“Be that as it may
I will tell the story.
I hope it’s not boring.”
“There once was a goose,”
said Zoose, “who was clueless
because it had lost its flock,
and it saw a lonesome moose
at the edge of the woods
staring dumbly at a rock,
and the goose thought
‘Perhaps that big animal,
who is technically a mammal,
will not be overwrought
(mentally, that is)
if I ask its assistance
or just a helping hand
when I tell him I’m new here
and I’m full of fear,
and my sense of direction
has not attained perfection
unlike the other geese I meet
who know which way to go
even in blinding snow.’
So the goose flew to the rock
that the moose for some reason
was ramming with its head
as if it were trying
to crack it open,
or for some purpose
roll it over.
And the goose thought,
‘What if this moose
is as dumb as that boulder
and when I ask it for help
it turns a cold shoulder?’
But the goose was undaunted
and besides it was haunted
by the fear it would never find
the geese who’d left him behind.
‘Mr. Moose,’ said the goose,
‘I’m sorry to interrupt you
from such an important duty
as crashing your body
against this object
which seems to me
(correct me if I’m wrong)
unspeakably strong
and able to withstand
the most punishing blows
you can give it.’
‘Sir goose,’ said the moose
‘do you think me a twit,
a nitwit, a dimwit,
for bashing my bones
against this stone?’
‘No offense was meant.
If my tone was insolent,
I beg your forgiveness,’
said the young goose
to the elderly moose.
‘Have you come here for a purpose
or do you only want to chatter?
For if it is the latter
I must tend to other business.’
‘Let me state the reason for my visit:
Do you know where there’s a river
where I can swim and look for fish?’
The moose pondered briefly
and said ‘Follow me hither.
Or should I say thither?
For I’ve never learned the difference
between hither and thither.’
‘Hither means here
and thither means there
but hither and thither
are neither here nor there.
What I want you to do
is bring me to the river
that you said you know the way to.
So without further ado
may we please proceed
to wherever the water may be?’
‘I will promptly bring you thither,’
said the moose in a dither
for it was unaccustomed
to being told what to do
by other creatures,
especially a goose
who hadn’t a clue
what to do.
But the moose was a gentle giant
and always compliant
when asked to lend
a helping hand,
to guiding a friend
or even a foe
through his native land.
So they entered the forest,
going this way and that
til the moose said ‘We’re lost,
let’s maybe turn back.’
An owl saw the moose
and said to a bat
‘What the heck is that?
It looks like a deer
with enormous head gear.’
And the bat saw the goose
and said, ‘That bird is rather fat.’
‘Fat, you say?’ said the owl to the bat.
‘Plump, I should say,
is perhaps the better word
to describe that bird
that waddles like a duck
who’s down on his luck
because he knows there’s an owl
on the prowl for some fowl.’
‘I am rather hungry,’ said the owl.
‘Can you hear my stomach growl?’
‘I do hear the rumbling
coming from your tummy-thing,’
said the bat, whose name was Irving.
‘Do you think the goose would mind
if upon his flesh I dine?’
‘That’s an awkward way of asking
if geese make good repasting.
But yes, I think it would
mind. But goose tastes good,
or so I’ve heard
from hawks and other birds
who eat their own kind
which, no offense, seems impolite.’
‘If hawks eat geese
I too shall feast
on the legs, then the breast,
which I think will taste best.’
So the owl left its nest
and flew down toward the goose,
its talons extended
the goose neck exposed
for the fatal blow.
But the owl didn’t know
that the goose and the moose
had become good friends
as they wandered in the woods.
When the moose saw the owl
swooping down with cruel intent
it blocked the owl with its antlers
and saved the goose from disaster.
The owl returned to its tree,
and Irving, the bat,
laughed silently
at the way the moose
protected the fowl
by swatting the owl
like a gnat.
The moose and the goose
walked on silently,
breathing sighs of relief.
‘Thank you,’ said the goose.
‘You saved my life.
If it weren’t for you
I would be in the mouth
of that bird most foul—
that carnivorous owl.’
“And here,” said Zoose
“the story ends happily.
They find the flowing river.
The moose and the goose
stand on the shore
both thinking, ‘Nevermore
shall we see one another.’
The moose said ‘Goodbye,
I’m glad I could help,
I hope you find the others,
those who left you behind,’
and walked away slowly,
its head hung so lowly
its antlers touched the ground.
The goose said ‘Hey wait!
you seem rather sad
which makes me feel bad.
You’re a much better friend
than those geese who left me.
It was you who came through,
and although I was rude,
with a bad attitude,
somewhat snotty,
to put it honestly,
you forgave and forgot
and helped when they would not.
You’ve taught me a lesson
and that’s a true blessing.
I’d rather stay with you, Sir Moose,
and help you break that rock
because your friendship is true
unlike that of my flock.’
And the goose and the moose
walked under a full moon
till they found a place to sleep.
And their sleep was happy
and their sleep was deep
and their dreams came true
like yours will too
if you follow the example
of the moose and the goose.”
